Did you just judge yourself for fumbling the ball as you learn and try something new?

 

YOU Make the Magic

Last night, I dreamed I was at my grandmother's house. We were sitting at the table. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about. Every so confidently, loving, and proudly, my grandmother clasped both of her hands over mine, she looked me in my eye and told me to "YOU make the magic".

It was almost as if I were complaining or expressing helplessness (which I find I've been struggling with lately) and she wanted to remind me that no matter how much control I think I don't have in this world, I can still chose to show up and to not be passive.

I think about all of the areas where I've been passive lately. 

• I consume more social media that I would like. I consume other people's "magic" and creativity, yet I struggle to produce my own (although I know deep down inside I would very much like to).
• I feel helpless as I learn about genocide and dishonest politicians. There are things that I could contribute to social change, even if it's very small. Yet, I feel paralyzed, helpless, and I find myself just watching.
• I want to grow in my career. Over the last year and a half, I've experienced rejection after rejection. After a while, I started to become discouraged.

The message from my grandma reminds me to have hope and try again.

I think of all the ways that my grandma was a magic maker. One of the biggest examples was during holidays. Holiday's always felt so warm ,cozy, loving and inviting when she was around. Now that she's gone, I struggle to recreate that feeling in myself. I very quickly realized that the holiday's alone weren't that special. It was all the things that my grandmother did for us that made them feel magical. From hanging up decorations, to the fun traditions, to the home cooked meals. I wish I would have cherished those moments more when I had the chance. Without her special touch, those holidays wouldn't have felt as special. Modeling what she did for us, I try my best to be the magic maker for my own family.

To me " YOU Make the Magic," implies co-working/ co- creating with God, our creator. Action on its own can sometimes feel meaningless or like its not making an impact. When I feel like my actions aren't impactful, I find myself asking, "What's the point?" Aligned action with God means we recognize our limitations as humans, and know that God can make that small act more impactful than anything we could ever do on our own. This perspective gives me hope.

This dream was important to me because it felt like my grandma was reaching down from heaven, encouraging me to keep hope alive, to keep going, and to not give up. 

Balancing Self Care and Never Ending Obligations as a Working Mom

The house is quiet and today.

This is not your typical quietness. Most of the quiet time I have during the week is usually paired with some sort of obligation. For example, when the kids are at school, I'm at my full time job. When the kids are sleeping, I, too, am equally exhausted and can be found in bed.

Today's quiet is different. I choose for it to be obligation-free and instead I'm using it to nourish my soul.

It's not that there aren't other things that I could be doing. The sink is full of dishes. The bathrooms could use a good scrub. I could be planning a birthday party, making a meal plan, or preparing a shopping list.

Today, I choose not because I know that I could be working, planning and doing chores indefinitely if I'm not intentional about taking breaks and incorporating self care along the way.

In my current stage of life, getting all my work done before rest & play no longer makes sense for me.

It worked for me in my early 20s. Between school-work, part-time work, and dorm life, I had a fairly limited amount of responsibilities that I could easily check off of my to do list. I had an abundance of time and energy to engage in other activities that I enjoyed and ample time to refill my emotional cup.

Today, as a working mom, my to do list is indefinitely long. Between taking care of my family, my home, my career and myself, there is ALWAYS something to do. Despite this circumstance, however, I'm the one who has to take accountability for my rest, my play, and for my emotional wellbeing. Which is why I chose to enjoy today's quiet.

The work is never done... but somehow it always gets done. I know that this may sound contradictory. But if you're a busy mom, you may understand. The work somehow always gets done, whether I'm taking care of myself along the way or not. After years of battling chronic burn out, I've learned, when possible to choose the peaceful path and for me that means prioritizing self care as often as I can.

I'm grateful to have a life where self care is an option.

Peace and Blessings,

LaDay